Thursday, December 2, 2010

Never Lie About Nudity

Wow people. Wow. I didn't realize how serious y'all are about your nudity (you know who you are... ANGELA). This false advertising thing was a bad idea. I have been getting all kinds of hate mail. Now I feel obliged to bare all. On second thought, some things are better left a mystery. I would lose my allure if you knew me that intimately. 

Instead, I will share semi-nude pictures of my girlfriend with you.

This is my girlfriend: 
I know what you're thinking. You're probably wondering how a girl like me could get a girl like that. Especially considering that I'm straight. I just like to keep my options open, ok? I mean, I just walked into the store and there she was... 

Ok, she's not my girlfriend. I LIED TO YOU AGAIN! But I walked into the Victoria's Secret, and there she was all giant and sexy up there on the wall, and you know what I did? I bought everything that she is wearing. Dammit. (I also got into an argument with the salesgirl about my cup size, but that is another fun story). So now I'm broke and girlfriendless. I even lost my real girlfriend. She was pretty mad when she heard about my affair. We're taking a break until February when we will go on a romantic all inclusive vacation together to see if we can work things out. I have faith that we will.

Me and Real Girlfriend:
Happy New Year 2009!

In the meantime, I'll just have to enjoy the company of the opposite sex. I like 'em tall dark and handsome. Good thing I've got one of those lying around here somewhere... 


**EDIT**: Speaking of sex selling, look at what happened at my school last week! Bring back Bill C-311!


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