Something else you should know about me. I am very religious. In fact, I should probably be considered the world's leading expert on religion. "Why is this?", you might ask. You might say, "She doesn't seem very religious" or, "she's living in sin!" Both of those statements would be true. But it's not what's on the outside that counts. It's what's on the inside. And what's inside of me is blood (and guts and organs... you know). And this blood that I speak of has all of the powers of Judaism and Catholicism churning up a storm in my veins. I'm like a Kabbalist high on holy water. My mind is fluid and all-knowing.
I love bagels and Jesus loves me. Why he chose to appear to Finn on a grilled cheese and not to me on a bagel is beyond me.
So, as the leading expert on religion, I feel like I have to break some bad news to you that may cause you to restructure your entire life. Here it is:
The Ten Commandments are GUIDELINES that have evolved with time, and there are exceptions. As with all things biblical we cannot take them literally. For example, would you make a human sacrifice? Cuz I hear they did those back then...
|Random picture of me looking high in a Batman T|
Also, Scroobius Pip says thou shalt always kill, which, according to the 6th Commandment is a big no-no. How can you not trust Scroobius? I mean, look at this guy. He looks like a modern day Jesus.
Thou shalt not steal if there is a direct victim.
Thou shalt not worship false pop idols.
Thou shalt not stop liking a band just because they've become popular.
Thou shalt not fall in love so easily.
Thou shalt give equal worth to tragedies that occur in non-english speaking countries as to those that occur in english speaking countries. Thou shalt think for yourselves.
Thou shalt always... kill.
I like to think he doesn't mean the last one literally.
My friend took this picture and I stole it. It's the last thing to add to the list. Thou shalt :
|Photo credit: Sean P. Stephens|
**Disclaimer: I am not in any way questioning anybody's faith. I'm just having fun. Mostly at my own expense. I don't know the first thing about religion.