I decided not to make any new years resolutions, and then about five seconds into the new year started talking to myself about how I'm going to be all healthy this year, and how I'm going to be organized for once, not waste time on the internet etc. Um... in retrospect, those sound like resolutions. Dammit. And I'm already failing at them.
Exhibit A: Will-power AND organization fail combo
I went grocery shopping yesterday. Not a difficult task, right? I have been doing a pretty good job of shopping only the outer aisles of the store (you know, where all the fresh non-processed stuff is), but yesterday I had to get some baking things, so I ventured into a middle aisle. Unfortunately, I made a wrong turn and ended up in the cookie aisle. If you know me well, you know that cookies are my downfall. Give me cookies over cake any day. So first this nice "healthy" box of coconut lime cookies started calling to me. Next thing I knew it was in my cart. I mean, it really wanted me more than I wanted it, and who am I to say no to a needy box of cookies? And then I found the Jewish cookies. These cookies are basically my childhood in a box. I had been looking for them FOREVER! So how could I not buy them?
What I didn't need to do was eat half the box in one extraordinary "I'm feeling sorry for myself" sitting. And why was I feeling sorry for myself? Due to organization failure.
I returned home from the epic shopping trip to the grocery store and the butcher's. I had about 8lbs of meat, 4 litres of milk, and 3 litres of Perrier. These on top of about $100 other dollars worth of other less heavy, but still significant in quantity, groceries. I managed to carry all of these groceries from my car to the entrance of the building. My assigned parking spot happens to be the furthest away from any entrance.
Anyway, I get in the door, one grocery bag at a time (there were about 8 of them). On the other side of that door is a hallway. At the end of that hallway is another door that lets you into the main part of the building where the elevators (and my abode!) live. You need a key to get through this door. This is the point where I realize that I don't have my building key. Or my apartment key. Instead of putting them back on my keychain after entering the parking garage, I threw them on the passenger's seat. So, I decide to leave the groceries and go back to my car. Except I need the building key to get back into the parking garage... Um... *insert colourful language here*. I'm stuck in a hallway between two locked doors with half my weight in groceries. Solution? Eat half a box of Jewish cookies. Add two coconut lime for good measure.
For those of you who are worried that I am blogging from that hallway a day later, never fear. I was rescued after half an hour by a kind woman named Stephanie. Who turns out to be my neighbour across the hall. Yay! I have a nice neighbour! That makes up for the one that won't make eye contact.
Here is a money management fail:
Yeah. People who don't have money and are unemployed for the month of December (aka. OHMYFUCKITSCHRISTMAS month, where did all my money go?) should not spend that much money on lingerie, or anything for that matter. And how cliché am I buying myself lingerie when I'm feeling down about stuff? Ugh. And now I'm feeling self-loathing... which means I'm prone to spontaneous lingerie shopping. It's a vicious cycle, people.
Aaaaaaaand school fail:
I have no freaking CLUE what my thesis is going to be yet. I didn't do as well on my kajilion page context paper as I'd hoped, and instead of reading for background info, as I promised myself I'd be doing this morning (and every other morning this week), I have been doing this:
God damn Robot Unicorn Attack.
Also, my brain hasn't been able to focus on anything academic this week, but it has been hard at work producing the following gems:
1. I wrote a song. The only lyrics to this song are "Weird mosquito."
2. I coined the term "Pigathor", or, as we say in English, "Thunder pig."
3. I had the following conversation with my boyfriend-
S: B, did you know there's a fucking cat in here?
B: What!? Of course I know there is a cat in here. We have a cat.
S: Oh... I was pretending like we didn't have a cat.
B: Yeah. We have a cat. We have a parrot too.
S: No we don't! How many times do I have to tell you she's a dinosaur?
I have a pet dinosaur.
B: She's a dinosaur?