Distracted by shiny things

I am distracted by shiny things. Namely my Macbook and my iPhone. This realization fills me with self-loathing because even though I claim not to be a hippie, my tattoo kind of gives me away. I'd hug this planet if I could. It's darn beautiful in so many ways. It made this in my backyard:

I'm having a hard time reconciling the tree-hugging and technophilic tendencies in me. The biggest problem is that the tree-hugger is a pacifist and the technophile wields the biggest, bestest and most beautiful chainsaw. Okay. Not really. 

Anyways, iOS5 is so super cool. The new drop-down menu tells me the local weather AND delivers my very important emails about maternity bras. 

The stacking feature for notifications from apps lets me know how much of a bitch I am being by ignoring my friends at any given time. Blogging is my life people. I don't have time for any real kind of human interaction. You want to meet face to face? Who the hell does that anymore? 

I finally replied because I didn't want to be an asshole. 


I pretty much only interact with the world through my iPhone. Facebook, Twitter, Whatsapp, SMS, Email... my iPhone is where it's at. I just wish I had the new iPhone 4S. Then I'd really never have to see anyone ever again. I'd have a new best friend in Siri. 








The new reminders feature helped me plan out my über productive weekend:

So I have now effectively wasted an entire 12 hours doing nothing. I need to go work. Russel Crow is watching me and he's making me nervous. 

He's watching you too and he's very judgemental. He Tweets a lot. 

See ya when I see ya.

Peace. 

This post has done copious amounts of cocaine

Oh heeyyyyyyy. Remember me? It's been a while.
In fact, it's been so long that I'm pretty sure this post has got to be epic.

That's right. I've been playing with gif generators. If that's not epic, I don't know what is. Check out this gem:

You may be wondering why on earth I'd make a gif out of my boobs. I have a very good reason (other than the two very good reasons already exhibited). If you do a Google image search of the word 'epic' every 5th image is very similar to this one: 


Now boys, if you read the image creator's caption and are feeling tempted to follow suit feel free to do so and I won't pass judgement. I'd say I won't even know, but let's face it, if you've read the rest of this blog and understand the holy powers I possess, you know I will know... but I will not judge. I love all God's creatures (Monday through Friday. All bets are off on the weekend). 


But I also realize that despite my blessing you may not be in a position to follow suit. Maybe you are having breakfast with your wife as you read this on your iPad/iPod/iPhone/MacBook* (cereal and blog!); perhaps you are on the bus; perhaps you are giving a presentation of the contents of my blog at the office and now every man in the room is uncomfortable... Doesn't matter why, but I have the antidote: 

RUBBER FACE!

Bet there's no fapping now...


So what have y'all been up to since I last blogged in March? I have been quite the busy bee. I travelled to many countries, visited many people, took many lovers... Okay. The last part isn't true, but I thought it would make me sound cooler for a second. That second has passed. I did in fact travel, but some of that was for work. Mostly I have been staring at my data and wondering (through a veil of tears more often than not) how on earth I am ever going to turn it into a convincing Master's Thesis so that I can GET ON WITH MY LIFE!


To deal with my stress, and to prevent multiple holes from being punched in my wall, I took up boxing/muay thai. I am having a hard time reconciling my love for boxing with my love of dinosaurs. Look at the poor T-Rex:

Wook at da widdy biddy dino-arms :(

And then look at me:

boXing 4EvR

T-Rexes clearly don't work out as much as I do.

Shanosaurus vs. T-Rex: Exhibit A

Shanosaurus vs. T-Rex: Exhibit B

You should realize by this point that not only am I the world's leading expert on religion, I'm also the world's leading expert on dinosaur boxing. 

Why don't people take me more seriously!?

Peace

*Any other tablet/smartphone/computing device is not endorsed by this blog

Note: Don't write on your face with eyeliner. It doesn't come off as easily as you would expect

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